A few years ago, I tried to learn how to swim. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: at your big age, you don’t know how to swim? To be honest, if it had been up to me, I wouldn’t have tried. But I knew this was something God wanted me to do, so I took the plunge. And let me tell you, I soon realized what He was trying to teach me.
A few years before, I had dreams of myself floating on my back in a pool, completely at peace. Now, if you knew me, you’d know that this is not like Rebecca! But in those dreams, I felt calm and secure. So naturally, I thought I’d feel the same peace in real life in the pool. But you guessed it—it was the opposite. I spent six long weeks just mustering the courage to float, even with a float. Eventually, I did, but during those weeks, I watched others thrive, moving up level by level, while I stayed exactly where I was.
I couldn’t understand it. I’m the type of person who, when I see someone else do something, I think, I can do that too. But not this time. Every week, my instructor would tell me, “It’s all in your mind, you can do it.” And she was right, but I hadn’t understood why until one day it hit me. I felt unsafe in the pool, unsure that if something happened, someone would rescue me immediately. That was when I realized the real issue: I had no control. And that was the very thing holding me back, keeping me from moving forward. I was controlling my environment to feel safe, managing every aspect of where I was because I felt I was the only one who could protect me.
Then I understood why God had nudged me to start these lessons. He was giving me a glimpse into my spiritual life: I was holding myself back, keeping myself stuck, because I was clinging to control for my own safty. But the truth is, I am never in control—I never was. I don’t have to be the one keeping me safe because God has already promised, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6).
So why did I struggle so much with letting go? I had to ask myself, ‘How well do I know the character of God?” Psalm 9:10 reminds us, “Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You.” It’s easier to trust someone when you know them, when you spend time with them, learning their heart. And if I’m honest, I also had to ask myself if this need for control was rooted in past hurts. Was I operating from a place of trauma, clinging to control because I felt unsafe.
If you find yourself asking similar questions or searching for answers, I encourage you to go to God first. He knows you better than you know yourself (Psalm 139:1-4). When we come to Him with our desire for control and our fear of letting go, He doesn’t judge us; instead, He gently reminds us that He is trustworthy, that He is our protector and our peace. As we grow closer to Him, we begin to experience the freedom of releasing control and resting in the One who holds all things together.
Proverbs 3:5-6
says it best: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Letting go is a process, but it’s a process that brings us closer to peace, freedom, and the security of God’s faithful presence.
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